May 17, 2007

OBR -Who Are You? WHO CARES!!

To drink: How about some hemlock, Plato tells us it was good enough for Socrates. Maybe the author of our Outer Banks Republic could benefit from it as well.
To listen: Without a doubt this one calls for the Rolling Stones, Sympathy for the Devil. You know the one that starts of:"Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste". Sure you are! Just ask you.
To eat: Most any soft cheese, a brie perhaps or maybe some Velveeta.
To sleep: Perchance to dream.

If nothing else you have to admire the sheer chutzpah (thats a Yiddish word, in Spanish the concept is cajones, in parts of Brooklyn they talk about "stones") of a writer who tells you what to drink or listen to while you read their work. But chutzpah doesn't even begin to describe the eccentric ego of anyone who thinks people care what they think or worse yet a writer who thinks that people want to read about their political philosophy. The author of the Outer Banks Republic blog chose to do just that in recent post. This anonymous coward calls himself "ooOoo". What is up with that? Since I have no idea how to pronounce "ooOoo" I will call him "He Whose Name I can't Pronounce" or HWNIcP for short. HWNIcP is both fascinated with and fearful of his anonymity. Pontificating in this post he posits the premise that:
Since I have chosen this to be an anonymous blog, perhaps its only fair to include some insights into my political beliefs, at the very least, since those opinions seem to draw some "fire".
Spare me pleeease. HWNIcP is fixated on this whole man of mystery thing. Well, I am going to fix that little problem for you dear reader. At the end of this post I will tear the mask off the cowardly cur. I will reveal, for the first time, who HWNIcP really is and how I have penatrated his preposterous pose.
Before I shine the light of truth on HWNIcP lets take a minute to deconstruct the pearls of wisdom that HWNIcP casts before our collective snouts. He says that he has read two books. Ouch. What makes it worse is the fact that the first book HWNIcP tells us has read may be the worst book ever written. Let see how HWNIcP describes Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand "the plot and story line of the novel leaves much to be desired". No kidding, but that's not the worst thing about this book. Here is what one of my favorite authors says about the woman who formed half of HWNIcP's "polictical beliefs":
All this abstract,ideological, the-free-market-is-God, Ayn Rand piffle is doing cruel things to real people-Molly Ivins "Bushwacked" [Try reading her some time dude, she gets it right and she's a lot funnier than your Ayn Rand]
Ayn Rand wrote the gospel of capitalism unbridled. The kind of capitalism that brought you the Tea Pot Dome Scandal, the Great Depression, Love Canal, the Corvair, Enron, Haliburton, $4.00 a gallon gas and the list gets longer every day. This book preaches that everybody should just get out there and compete, competition is good and government interference in competition is bad. Competition creates jobs, competition rocks and don't let anything get in the way of the market. This book preaches that there is no role for government in the marketplace, no clean air standards, no safety standards, no minimum wage, no... Oh, sorry, thats right, this is a rant about HWNIcP not about Ayn Rand. Let me get back to our subject.
You can see how dangerous it is if a person reads only two books and one of them is Atlas Shrugged. At least HWNIcP actually read this book, I'm sure of that and here's why. In her books Ayn Rand feels it necessary to explain her political philosophy directly, apparently realizing that her writing is so bad that her readers won't be able to figure it out from the context of her work. Sheesh, are we seeing a pattern here? Rand explains herself so HWNIcP has to do the same. This guy makes Oedipus look normal. Just so you don't think I'm making this up, here is a quote I found in the Wiki that HWNIcP so kindly linked to:
My philosophy, in essence, is the concept of man as a heroic being, with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, with productive achievement as his noblest activity, and reason as his only absolute."-Ayn Rand Appendix to Atlas Shrugged
As you can see the words "much to be desired'"describe this book perfectly and not just in plot and story line.

Now heres where it starts to get really worrisome. HWNIcP says he's read two books, the first one is a dangerous pack of lies designed to enslave workers and destroy society and the second one HE HASN'T EVEN REALLY READ. I know this is true and I can prove it. Here's the deal. With the possible exception of Melanie Griffith no one has actually read Alexis de Toqueville's "On Democracy In America". I was enrolled at an effete eastern educational enclave and exited with a degree in Political Economics and I've never read Alexis de Toqueville's "On Democracy In America". I know HWNIcP hasn't either. Don't beleve me OK, here is a link to an e-copy of the entire book , both volumes, all 8 gazillion pages of it, go ahead, download it and read it. Go ahead, I'll wait............. Didn't do it did ya. Point proved. NO ONE has actually read Alexis de Toqueville's "On Democracy In America" ipso facto HWNIcP couldn't possibly have read it.
I will give HWNIcP credit, he at least found the Cliff notes or maybe the Wiki. He has the basic premise of this book pretty straight (or at least what my Cliff Notes present as the premise [remember you can't argue about the premise 'cause I know you never read the book either]). The premise is that democracy, as practiced in early 19th century America is good. Government by the people is good, small government by the people is even better. Which leaves us with a paradox. Rand - "government is bad" de Toquevile "government is good". A paradox, a conundrum, in Marxist terms a dialectic. Two concepts that appear to contradict one anther. Call it what you want, I know a word for it fuzzy thinking hypocrisy (OK that's 3 words, you get my point). HWNIcP is simply a very confused and cowardly guy. He doesn't know what to think or even who he is. His mind has been trashed by the one book he has actually read (I told you it was a dangerous book) and he is compelled to belch out this relentless raft of ravings about political philosophy that serve only to demonstrate the inherent contradictions of his entire life.
HWNIcP (also known to his mother as oo0oo)(how does she pronounce it?) tries to reconcile these contradictions with allusions to terms like "Tyranny of the majority" "representative democracy" and "property rights". All great terms if you actually read the books that explain them but useless since I have proven that he hasn't. He wants us to believe that small towns in Dare County meddle in peoples lives, that our 6 God given municipalities (OK, not God but the NC General Assembly, same thing) our 6 state created dominions are not the best form of government on the entire face of the earth. Now I know this guy is over the edge. I helped create the concept of "meddlesome local government" and have spent most of the last 25 years finding new and more creative ways to trample on people's property rights. For HWNIcP to be right my life has been a lie, a fraud, a failure. Well no not a failure, I guess HWNIcP actually thinks I may have been too successful, (not sure, doesn't matter, we'll argue that out later).
HWNIcP wants us to believe that elected leaders should make decisions based on their view of what's right and best for their community as opposed to being driven by what they think their constituents want. Maybe if this guy actually read a book written in the last 20 years he would have learned that leadership is dead. The concept of building a community through values and long range planning is as long gone as the town squares the de Toqueville admired so much. Maybe if this guy read a paper he would find out the one truth of 21st century politics. He who shouts loudest (and meanest) wins.
HWNIcP wants us to believe that taxation without representation is wrong. I thought we resolved that long time ago, like in Dubbya's first term. Governments should do what they want, when they want and don't let the facts get in the way. The nerve of this guy, if non-resident property owners want a vote let them regi.... (let me try that again). If non-resident property owners want a vote so they can have say in how the millions they render in taxes are spent let them go to .... Hmm not really sure where that is but I know for sure it's not in Dare County. If non-resident property owners want a say in how their money is spent they should read Alexis de Toqueville's "On Democracy In America". There they can learn about the "tyranny of the majority" or as HWNIcP more accurately analyzes: "the tyranny of the minority" This won't change anything but at least they'll have the satisfaction of knowing more than HWNIcP.
HWNIcP shares all this philosophy with us so we don't actually have to know his name. That's probably the only smart thing he has done. If people knew who he was they might lynch him for his confused and misguided ramblings. The stuff this guy writes is downright dangerous. Heaven help us if he actually reads a third book (or is it really a second book..Oh never mind just get to the good part).
This is where I reveal who HWNIcP actually is. Using the science of heuristics, kineseology, metallurgy and demography I pierced his veil. Extensive Google searches and a stint in rehab have led me to the simple fact that HWNIcP is someone named Bob. How did I determine this you ask, OK thats fair. Look at this nom de plume (that's French for fake id, in parts of Brooklyn they say AKA). That "oo0oo" he uses to sign his posts. See the small Ohs in front and back. I think that this is a clue. We all know that criminals leave clues when the choose aliases. Like on Perry Mason when the killer, lets call him Don Smith, checks into the hotel as David Stick. DS-DS, both names of Mayors of TTWIcGttB (see below) big clue, Perry solves the case. Here the clue is in the ohs. If you stack them on top of one another you get something that vaguely resembles a capital "b" That would make the name B0B, sound familiar, we are looking for a not too bright blogger named Bob. He lives on the Outer Banks, drinks some, thinks he funny and lives with the delusion that people care about what he thinks. There is only one person who fits that description (drum roll please) Bob Muller. It must be. Bob Muller is HWNIcP. Case closed, thanks Perry, go directly to jail, do not pass Go and all that stuff.
You know that would be great if it were just that simple. Reveal that I am HWNIcP and drift off into the sunset except that I know that I ain't. Oh, it's possible. Like HWNIcP, I can't go to the beach in Southern Shores (hereinafter to be referred to as "The Town Where I can't Go to the Beach" or TTWIcGttB for short) but I don't write as well as he does and I surely wouldn't have listed Ayn Rand as the only book I ever read, no matter how badly I wanted to throw you off the trail. No, I am pretty sure that I'm not HWNIcP. Which leaves us with the question, "Who is?" Personally, I don't care but since he does and you most certainly do or you wouldn't have read this far, I will reveal what the rest of my phrenological research has indisputably determined.
Lets go back to our one clue. The name used to sign this poser's pontifications, "oo0oo". See that zero in the middle that looks a lot like a capital O? What words are capitalized? Why last names of course,. That's it, we're looking for a balding, overweight male about 6 ft. with the initials BO (probably short for B0B O). There it is, game set and match. The Outer Banks Republic Blog is written by Bobby Owens, Bobby Outten and Bob Oakes, with technical help and refreshments provided by former Dare County Water Services Director Bob Oreskevitch (currently hiding in Fla. for his part in the missing $82 million).
Now I know you may be skeptical dear reader, but believe me, I have checked with the Martins Point guard gate and confirmed it with sources deep inside the Dare County ABC Board. I even called Mayor Don Smith of TTWIcGttB. He agreed with my analysis. (I didn't really call Mayor Smith, that would have been rude, but what good is a piece about HWNIcP without the obligatory Don Smith sighting). This triumvirate have run the county for years, they all hold the odd idea that placing compatible dredge material on our most valuable economic resource is a wise idea (this is an oblique reference to Beach Nourishment [AKA The Issue that Shall NOT be Mentioned or TItSNbM for short]). Now this trio are trying to take over the OBX blogosphere as well.
Hopefully, by sharing this truth with the world we have made Dare County a better place. A place a one can blog in peace and HWNIcP can get on with his life, swill some beer, listen to some music (check out Gretchen Peters) and maybe even read a book. Again, I recommend Molly Ivans, her observations will laugh that Ayn Rand stuff right out of you.
Well kind reader that ends this post. I am going to add about 5 paragraphs copied directly from Alexis de Toqueville's "On Democracy In America". This will serve 2 purposes. First, it will keep those of you who skipped to the end of the article to discover the identity of HWNIcP from getting the truth without reading the entire piece. Secondly, if you read what remains of this post you can say, "I read Alexis de Toqueville's "On Democracy In America" and be telling the truth, and truth, my friends, is in short supply these day.
Keep your powder dry, thanks for staying til the end. Alexis de Toqueville's "On Democracy In America" starts now:

THE thirteen colonies, which simultaneously threw off the yoke of England towards the end of the last century, had, as I have already said, the same religion, the same language, the same customs, and almost the same laws; they were struggling against a common enemy; and these reasons were sufficiently strong to unite them to one another and to consolidate them into one nation. But as each of them had always had a separate existence and a government within its reach, separate interests and peculiar customs had sprung up which were opposed to such a compact and intimate union as would have absorbed the individual importance of each in the general importance of all. Hence arose two opposite tendencies, the one prompting the Anglo-Americans to unite, the other to divide, their strength.

As long as the war with the mother country lasted, the principle of union was kept alive by necessity; and although the laws that constituted it were defective, the common tie subsisted in spite of their imperfections.1 But no sooner was peace concluded than the faults of this legislation became manifest, and the state seemed to be suddenly dissolved. Each colony became an independent republic, and assumed an absolute sovereignty. The Federal government, condemned to impotence by its Constitution and no longer sustained by the presence of a common danger, witnessed the outrages offered to its flag by the great nations of Europe, while it was scarcely able to maintain its ground against the Indian tribes, and to pay the interest of the debt which had been contracted during the War of Independence. It was already on the verge of destruction when it officially proclaimed its inability to conduct the government and appealed to the constituent authority.2

If America ever approached (for however brief a time) that lofty pinnacle of glory to which the proud imagination of its inhabitants is wont to point, it was at this solemn moment, when the national power abdicated, as it were, its authority. All ages have furnished the spectacle of a people struggling with energy to win its independence, and the efforts of the Americans in throwing off the English yoke have been considerably exaggerated. Separated from their enemies by three thousand miles of ocean, and backed by a powerful ally, the United States owed their victory much more to their geographical position than to the valor of their armies or the patriotism of their citizens. It would be ridiculous to compare the American war to the wars of the French Revolution, or the efforts of the Americans to those of the French when France, attacked by the whole of Europe, without money, without credit, without allies, threw forward a twentieth part of her population to meet her enemies and with one hand carried the torch of revolution beyond the frontiers, while she stifled with the other a flame that was devouring the country within. But it is new in the history of society to see a great people turn a calm and scrutinizing eye upon itself when apprised by the legislature that the wheels of its government are stopped, to see it carefully examine the extent of the evil, and patiently wait two whole years until a remedy is discovered, to which it voluntarily submitted without its costing a tear or a drop of blood from mankind.

When the inadequacy of the first Constitution was discovered, America had the double advantage of that calm which had succeeded the effervescence of the Revolution, and of the aid of those great men whom the Revolution had created. The assembly which accepted the task of composing the second Constitution was small;3 but George Washington was its President, and it contained the finest minds and the noblest characters that had ever appeared in the New World. This national Convention, after long and mature deliberation, offered for the acceptance of the people the body of general laws which still rules the Union. All the states adopted it successively.4 The new Federal government commenced its functions in 1789, after an interregnum of two years. The Revolution of America terminated precisely when that of France began.

Note to those readers who jumped directly to the end of this post to find out who HWNIcP really is:Did you really think that I was going to let you get away without reading the entire piece? Huh? No that won't wash. You can just go back to the top and start reading again. Its in there but you have to find it for yourself. In fact as punishment for not reading the entire piece you really should go back two posts and start reading here.


At 1:01 PM, Blogger Paula the Surf Mom said...

wow Bob between you and OBXR I feel like I'm back at Duke in poli-sci class. (humor)

I think I'm going to start calling you Professor Bob... (more humor)

I can't call OBXR anything cause he doesn't accept comments... but he does say nice things about me and I just love an International Man of Mystery ...Yeah Baby... (humor?)

I think he he should change his name from ooooo to Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery.

ooooo sounds like a fake organism and Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery sound much more classy. (even more humor)

At 2:33 PM, Blogger Overwash said...

You really shouldn't have left elected office. It's clear, that at such a young age, you have far too much time on your hands.
My bet with you is off; I could never win...just help me find power.
Tommy O.

At 2:42 PM, Blogger Ronnie said...


You stated: Molly Ivins "Bushwacked" [Try reading her some time dude, she gets it right and she's a lot funnier than your Ayn Rand]

That should be "was a lot funnier". She was not my favorite but I read her column just to get worked up every now and then.

Ayn Rand is not quite as bad as you make her out to be.

I am sure the local Bob's appreciate you throwing them under the bus.

Too much coffee can be a very bad thing. Calm down and come on down to the palatial Kitty Hawk ABC store and I will pick up the tab for a round in the locals only cigar room - the view is great.

At 6:54 PM, Blogger BOBXNC said...

Thanks all, I don't really write this stuff I just kind channel Lenny Bruce (or was it Bruce Lee).
Paula, I don't really care what he calls himself as long as it's something I can pronounce but AP does have a nice ring to it.
OW, Talk about your international man of mystery, didn't see that coming, I had you pegged as an entirely different character, so did others (right RR) welcome out of the closet, it seems to be only way to fly,
Ronnie, That "was" thing seems to be common mistake, that's pretty funny. A lot of coffee is always involved. This post has been curdling for a couple of days, I would be willing to accept your offer but I don't cross the neutral zone (Eighth St. to rest of you) KDH is Klingon territory when I'm thinking or drinking, thank heavens the "KDH" store is in Nags Head.
Many thanks to all for dropping by and taking time to comment. Gotta go, for my next trick I am going to make most of the Pinot Noir in Ocracoke disappear. Watch this space for details.

At 9:11 AM, Blogger Overwash said...

It's clear this morning that you have sunk an arrow deep into the heart of OBXr's ego. He is without words. What will we do?

At 9:16 AM, Blogger Ronnie said...


I think the initials T.O. are great. I could not have said it better myself.

At 9:18 AM, Blogger Overwash said...

I see you have caused the OBXR to self-anaylze; and this concerns me.
I liked him better when he wrote about simple things; like birds, Hooters and turtles.
I fear you could send him off the deep end. Then, heaven forbid, he might even come out of the closet, get openly involved in local politics.


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